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The Hautemommie

Los Angeles based blogger and television host aiming to inspire people to pursue the life they envision.

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This #BlackMaternalHealthWeek I am reminded of my This #BlackMaternalHealthWeek I am reminded of my three pregnancies. The first one I was asked every week from 32 weeks on if I wanted to just opt for a Caesarean because my baby was big and for my size it could be difficult to labor. I declined over and over and when I finally went into labor ten weeks later — I had to have one anyway. I felt out of control, unsupported, and like I didn’t have the care I needed. Hospitalized for a week, alone. As a first time mother it was difficult and traumatic. ⠀ With my 2nd pregnancy and birth I was older had a better doctor plus the support of a spouse but still I was ill the majority of every trimester and though I gave birth (VBAC) I ended up getting a hernia and having to have surgery again. ⠀ That’s two now caused by birth if you’re counting. ⠀ With my last I felt prepared, I knew what to expect. Familiar with my small frame, how she carries these big healthy babies. I knew to breathe and relax. I had learned how to advocate for myself and to express my pain. And though the experience was easier there was still a moment when a nurse denied me pain medication claiming, “you’re doing great, you’ve haven’t needed it thus far you don’t need it now.” In the midst of trying to deliver an 8 pound child I was told - you’ll be fine. ⠀ That’s what it’s like for Black mothers we are told our pain is reasonable. Told we can bear it, can handle it. Even the 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 doctor told me, when expressing my nervousness to him about giving birth, “stop reading so many articles; you’ll be fine.” When headlines read that Black mothers are 4x as likely to not survive birth that is 𝘯𝘰𝘵 what we need to hear. ⠀ To the expecting mothers I want to empower you. Speak loudly and clearly about what you need. Let it be known that anything less than the best is not okay for you or your baby. Make them acknowledge your pain and treat it. Get your questions answered. Don’t take no for an answer, your life depends on it. I’m grateful to have brought my girls here and I’d do it again in a heartbeat. This week hold the Black mothers who didn’t have that chance in your hearts. ⠀ Black moms deserve more. It’s time we got it. ⠀ 〰️ #TheHautemommie
Black people have been smiling through the pain fo Black people have been smiling through the pain for decades. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Black people have found something to laugh at for generations, no matter what has tried to steal our joy. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Black people have risen in spite of being thrust to the ground by people, their hate, the laws they create to keep us there. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Black people have decided no matter what may come, we won’t give up. We refuse to give in because that would mean they have won. It will mean that everything we’ve fought for, every person we lost, each tear we’ve cried would be vain. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Since we’ve set foot on this patch of stolen land our existence has been up for debate. Every law, decree, and order was erected with one goal — to keep us in “our place.” And regardless of that, we’ve remained. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ imagine our rage? Imagine our fatigue? Think of our weary spirits and the turmoil passed down from generation to generation? And even in that, revenge and vengeance aren’t top of mind. We just want to LIVE in peace. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ We’ve shown that we won’t concede the battle and for damn aren’t going to lose the war. Because giving up isn’t an option and that’s an assignment we understand. Deeply. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ So I smile. Because my Blackness is not a burden, it is not too heavy for me to carry. It is an honor. And I refuse to let them see me sweat. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 〰️ #TheHautemommie #BlackJoy #blackexcellence
Pulled up. Showed out. It’s the standard. 💁🏾‍♀️ 〰️ #TheHautemommie #stylefiles #LosAngeles
Being a parent means understanding that you can’ Being a parent means understanding that you can’t parent all of them the same. There is a certain amount of discovery that has to happen with each of our children. An experiment if you will, searching for exact method for each individual to make them everything they are called to be. It can be hard to commit ourselves to figuring out each nuance, doling out discipline in different ways, and ultimately taking the time to figure out how to love each of them in the language that speaks to their hearts. I’m by no means perfect at it but I think knowing this is what it takes, makes me a winner in the game. Teenager to toddler, I’m making it work and these smiles let me know I may be onto something with this mom thing.👌🏾 💭what lessons have you learned being a parent to more than one kid? 〰️ #TheHautemommie #TheHauteMinies #motherhoodunplugged
it doesn’t take much to build traditions, just w it doesn’t take much to build traditions, just willing participants that have no choice. 🙃😝😁 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ this morning we supported a #BlackOwned #WomanOwned business for #donutSunday because in everything I do, I find a way to teach my girls that entrepreneurship is at the base of everything. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @devis.donuts, they were delish! 🍩👌🏾 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 〰️ #TheHautemommie #TheHauteMinies #donutsofinstagram
We aren’t always the same. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ We evolve, we grow, we become, we decrease and if in the journey of all of that the people you’ve chosen to keep in your corner don’t support or understand that where we start isn’t where we end? Then perhaps you have to rethink their place in your life. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ While I don’t believe that the true character of people should fluctuate or waver; I do think that the experiences of our life can change our outlook. To me, quality relationships are those that can handle those inevitable shifts. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Sometimes I have a lot to say, sometimes it’s my silence that speaks volumes, some moments I’m afraid, and some I am bold about whatever I put my hands to. In it all I am grateful that the people I’ve chosen, choose me back, whichever me I may be. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 💭 would you agree? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 〰️ #TheHautemommie #WordsToLiveBy #HautemommiePutMeOn
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